Renewal

A week ago Sunday we had the Precepts and Ordination ceremony at Still Point. I hadn't been to the temple in a while so I came unprepared. Before the ceremony, the individuals preparing to take the precepts do prostrations in the meditation hall with the dharma students, teachers, and anyone else who wants to bow with them as a show of support. Well, it was really cold that morning when we left home so I ran in and changed into a sweater. By the time the service was over, it had warmed up quite a bit.

I didn't think I was going to do the bows. The sweater I was wearing could have been a decent excuse. Then I had a conversation with one of the brothas who decided to take the vows. When he asked if I was going to say for the prostrations, I couldn't refuse. I was hot and uncomfortable, but I did as many of them as I could. The goal for this session is to do at least 3 times 108, and I'd be willing to bet that we exceeded that goal. I alternated between full prostrations, half prostrations and bows. Its interesting... no matter how resistant I am to doing prostrations, as soon as I get over the initial hump... say the first 25 or so... I'm okay. Even if I know I will be sore later, the mental blocks fall away and I'm just doing them.

I didn't get to stay for the ceremony. Just doing those bows reminded me of my own preparation for the ceremony. 3000 prostrations. Mindful contemplation of the precepts. Strong determination to complete the prerequisites. Curiosity about what my Buddhist name would be. I was given a little booklet when I took the precepts. On the front page of the booklet there is a statement called The Way of a Buddhist. Somewhere in the middle, it says:

Cultivation of your body, mind and speech will, without fail, lead you to the realization of the Three Jewels, Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, that is, peace, love and happiness.

Interesting word, cultivation. It's a gentle, patient, nurturing noun from the verb cultivate. The dictionary provides these definitions (among others)...

1. To improve and prepare
2. To promote the growth of
3. To nurture; foster
4. To seek the acquaintance or goodwill of; make friends with
5. To train to be discriminative in taste or judgment

I'm pretty consistent with speech but I haven't been nurturing, training, or making friends with my body or mind lately. I've felt pretty stuck. It's nice that even when you're not the one taking on the precepts, just being in the space of that energy and supporting the other Sangha members can provide a great sense of renewal. During these moments, I really appreciate the importance of the Sangha... the ways we can hold each other up even when we don't say much to each other. I certainly felt bolstered.

Forgiving the Unforgiveable

My inbox contained this request for submissions:

TRUTH & RECONCILIATION PROCESS
FORGIVENESS WORKS BETTER THAN PRAYER:-)
REDEEMS BOTH VICTIM AND OPPRESSOR
ITS WAKE-UP TIME

FYI - From Johanna Montgomery:
I am producing a documentary for a major Canadian broadcaster about
extraordinary acts of forgiveness. I am looking for individuals who have faced great loss or harm and who have chosen to forgive the wrong (not condone it). Often people make this choice because their own anger and negativity is causing harm to THEMSELVES as well as to those they love [or hate]. Cases where individuals have come face to face with the person who caused the wrong or who are ready to do that, are of particular interest.

People who participate in this documentary do so as a volunteer. There is no financial remuneration.

All stories will be treated confidentially and with respect. Please respond to:   [email protected]

Desmond Tutu on Forgiveness and Justice
Interviewed by BeliefNet after 9/11

"Forgiveness is not to condone or minimize the awfulness of an atrocity or wrong.  It is to recognize its ghastliness but to choose to acknowledge the essential humanity of the perpetrator and to give that perpetrator the possibility of making a new beginning.  It is an act of much hope and not despair.  It is to hope in the essential goodness of people and to have faith in their potential to change.  It is to bet on that possibility.
Forgiveness is not opposed to justice, especially if it is not punitive justice but restorative justice, justice that does not seek primarily to punish the perpetrator, to hit out, but looks to heal a breach, to restore a social equilibrium that the atrocity or misdeed has disturbed."

Johanna Lunn Montgomery
Wild  East Productions
5174 Bishop Street
Halifax, Nova Scotia
B3J 1C9  Canada
Tel: 902.221.2634

It's an interesting inquiry... When did you forgive the unforgiveable? Is anything really unforgiveable? Is forgiveness always in our own best interests?

Get in touch with Johanna if you're so inclined. I might come back and blog a bit on forgiveness tomorrow. As for now, I'm going to bed.

Daily Dharma

In many talks, the Buddha spoke about the Threefold Training of precepts, concentration, and insight. The practice of the precepts (shila) is the practice of Right Mindfulness. If we don't practice the precepts, we aren't practicing mindfulness. I know some Zen students who think that they can practice meditation without practicing precepts, but that is not correct. The heart of Buddhist meditation is the practice of mindfulness, and mindfulness practice is the practice of the precepts.

When we practice mindfulness, we generate the energy of the Buddha within us and around us, and this is the energy that can save the world. A Buddha is someone who is mindful all day long. We are only part-time Buddhas. We breathe in and use our Buddha eyes to see with the energy of mindfulness. When we listen with our Buddha ears, we are able to restore communication and relieve a lot of suffering. When we put the energy of mindfulness into our hands, our Buddha hands will protect the safety and integrity of those we love.

[...from The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching by Thich Naht Hanh, pg. 82]

When You Break a Precept

A few nights ago, my daughter and I were reading in my room before bedtime. Sprawled out across the bed, we hunched over Book 4 and took turns reading about the trials of one young Harry Potter. My daughter paused in her reading...

"Mom," she questioned tentatively.

She pointed to a small bug crawling across my headboard. I had seen one of them in the apartment over the past two days. It seemed to take up permanent residence in my bathroom, and scuttled under the bathroom scale when I turned on the light. I was content to let it hang out in there, and didn't disturb it. But this one... on my bed in the middle of the night?! I scooped up this little bug and flushed it down the toilet.

In that instant, watching it swirl around the bowl, it hit me. I just killed a living being.

It bothered me... this rash reaction... this irrational fear. It reminded me of my childhood summers in Mississippi visiting my grandmother. It wasn't uncommon to see large country roaches running for cover when you switched on the bathroom light in the middle of the night. I remember waking up one night to the sound of a flying roach thumping against the ceiling above my bed. I was maybe six years old and it was as big as my two thumbs. I can't explain the reaction, but since childhood I've been very passive towards insects during the day and strangely startled by them at night.

The next day provided some space to look more closely at the issue. My daughter found another little traveller in her bathroom. I could look at it and sense what I was feeling... not so much fear but aversion, inconvenience, dislike. But this time I scooped the critter into a paper towel and shook it outside on our balcony.

This feels like a really silly story... I'm sitting here blogging about pest control. But for me it points to a larger issue. What do you do when you break a precept?

As Buddhists, and especially as new practitioners, I find that we are so hard on ourselves. I'm certainly guilty of beating myself up on occasion. A few days ago I read a post by a new member of the Buddhist Blogs webring who was concerned that his interest in completing a family geneology was an unhealthy sort of craving. We expect that we will always "get it right." We are often on the lookout for ways we are "doing it wrong." We think we know how to judge ourselves in these areas, but we might be better off just accepting that we aren't perfect and we don't always know or do what we think the "right thing" is in the moment.

On the other hand, I think in all cases when you break a precept, it is because you allowed yourself to slip into a mindless state. Instead of an occasion to judge and reprimand yourself, it can become a great opportunity... an opportunity to learn, to grow in mindfulness, to uncover patterns and to challenge and change them. This goes back to that age old discussion... Are precepts commandments? Will you find yourself racking up loads of bad karma or somehow land yourself in the worst of all of the hell realms every time you break one? I don't know. What I currently understand of precepts practice is that it is a process... a goal. We might fall short of the goal (total mindfulness) but we can look at our lapses and learn from them.

The Four Paramitas

Four children stood before us this morning. They placed offerings on the altar. They took refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. They took on six precepts. They received Buddhist names. Each child was named after one of the Six Paramitas. They received cedarwood malas and mindfulness bells. The ceremony was incredibly moving. I can't think of a better way to begin Mother's Day.

My daughter's Buddhist name is Ksanti. We also have a Virya, a Sila, and a Prajna.

Ksanti means patience or forbearance. In the Meditation on the Six Paramitas, we say:

May I be patient! May I learn to bear and forbear the wrongs of others!

For me, this is always the hardest practice of all the paramitas. Sometimes it is just hard to forgive, hard to let go. So far, my daughter has been the perfect example of this level of patience. I hope she carries it with her always.

This morning, before leaving for Still Point, we talked a bit about practice. I mentioned that I want to get back into the Intensive Practice routine. We did some bows. We sat for about five minutes. We talked about keeping a Precepts journal. Her decision to begin a practice makes me deeply committed to mine. Whatever reasons I had for not sitting, now bowing, not "getting off it" and forgiving someone... they were quashed today. I think it is a good thing that I'm not alone in my practice anymore. Sangha extends to home now, and we can take refuge in each other.

Ksanti... she always encourages me... to do my workout when I don't want to... to play when I'm tired... to just be present. She will be a good partner in the Dharma. I'm sure she will be a teacher for me more than I will ever be a teacher for her.

Dharma for Kids... WWBD?

Up until recently, my Zen practice has been my own. I have read some Buddhist stories to my daughter, and allowed her to explore the books we have at her leisure... but I never decided that I was going to "make her" Buddhist. As she prepares to participate in the upcoming precepts ceremony, I wonder if she is drastically unprepared.

A few weeks ago, there was an article posted on The Buddhist News Channel about teaching Dharma to children. I flagged it as something I wanted to read later. With all of this "precepts preparation" going on, it seemed a good time to read it. The article, How would Buddha handle your kids, has simple advice which took a great weight off of my shoulders:

The Buddha's advice to parents is straightforward - help your children become generous, virtuous, responsible, skilled and self-sufficient adults [see DN 31 and Sn II.4].

Teaching Buddhism to one's children does not mean giving them long lectures about dependent  co-arising, or forcing them to memorize the Buddha's lists of the eightfold  this, the ten such-and-suches, the seventeen so-and-sos. It simply means giving  them the basic skills they'll need in order to find true happiness. The  rest will take care of itself.

The article references the Ambalatthikarahulovada Sutta [Instructions to Rahula at Mango Stone], which recounts Buddha's teaching to his son Rahula upon catching him in a lie. The teaching is SO practical... In the beginning, Buddha uses a series of metaphors and questions to explain that a person who takes no shame in telling a deliberate lie throws away whatever merit or skill they might have accumulated through contemplative practice. The teaching goes on:

Before you perform a bodily, mental, or verbal act...

1. Think about it.
2. Do you think it will be skillful or unskillful?
3. If you think it will be unskillful, abandon it... don't do it.
4. If you think it will be skillful, try it.

After you perform a bodily, mental or verbal act...

1. Think about it.
2. Were the results skillful or unskillful?
3. If the act resulted in suffering (by self, others or both) it was unskillful. Confess it. Practice restraint. Abandon it.
4. If the act resulted in happy consequences and joyful results, you may continue it.

Buddhism is not meant to be theoretical... You can read the dharma and study the sutras, but the point of study is to take the teachings on in a practical sense. When we had our precepts preparation meetings last year, each week we were asked to reflect on two precepts, what they meant to us, how we might apply them to our lives, what "came up" for us around them, etc. We would then sit in a circle and talk about them.

The children's precepts are a bit different than the ones we take as adults:

1. Do not harm, but cherish all life
2. Do not take what is not given but respect the things of others
3. Do not lie but speak the truth
4. Do not waste but conserve energy and natural resources
5. Do not stay angry or hold grudges
6. Do not cling to things that belong to you, but practice generosity and the joy of sharing

The precepts we take are phrased a bit differenly than they are in other places... I suppose the fact that they are prefixed with the words "Do Not..." makes them seem rather authoritative. Paul mentions this in his recent comment:

I have to ask about these precepts. I agree with all of them, yet the features of Buddhism that have most attracted me are meditation, following the Eightfold Path, and developing one's inner being in a direction of enlightenment.

My Buddhist reading has been eclectic and self directed, but I haven't run into precepts before. I guess that frankly I'm a little concerned that it starts to have the feeling of the Ten Commandments, and the dogmatic rather than experiential approach I was familiar with growing up as a Catholic.

On their face, I suppose they would come off a bit authoritative... but we are not taught to use them that way. We are taught to try them on. We are taught that we can grow into them. "Do not harm but cherish all life" doesn't mean we have to be vegetarian... but we might find that we end up there naturally. We are in constant relationship with our precepts... sometimes we might be totally mindless about conserving energy, for example. At other times, we might be more deliberate... turning off lights that aren't being used... limiting the time we are in the shower, washing clothes in cold water, etc.

As we discuss them, I'm looking for ways to make them practical for my daughter, and to have her think about the consequences of breaking a precept instead of looking at them simply as "you must/must not..." rules or prescriptions. What happens to you when you stay angry? How does it make you feel? Does it help? What would help?

Four Points of Reflection

Particular resistance(s) to my practice

I'm not sleeping well. Last night I stared at the clock until it was nearly 1:00 AM. I got out of bed and started doing prostrations. My ability (or lack thereof) to do prostrations is one way that I can monitor my progress and my commitment to do intensive practice. The guideline is 108 prostrations a day. I haven't done any in so long I could barely get to 25. My legs burned today as if I had run a mile.

I don't know the history of the bow. I don't know if all Zen traditions practice bowing or not, but there is something olympic about the speed and intensity of prostrations in a Korean Zen temple. The Koreans and the Indians must have known the same thing... you have to prepare with the body if you want to practice with the mind. When practicing yoga, asanas (poses) are just one limb on an eight-limb path. The eight limbs are:

• Yamas (The Five Moral Restraints)
• Ahisma (Nonviolence)
• Satya (Truthfulness)
• Asteya (Nonstealing)
• Brahmacarya (Moderation)
• Aparigraha (Nonhoarding)
• Niyamas (The Five Observances)
  • Sauca (Purity)
  • Santosa (Contentment)
  • Tapas (Zeal/Austerity)
  • Svadhyaya (Self-study)
  • Isvara-pranidhana (Devotion to a higher power)
• Asanas (Postures)
• Pranayama (Mindful Breathing)
• Pratyahara (Turning Inward)
• Dharana (Concentration)
• Dhyana (Meditation)
• Samadhi (Union of Self with Object of Meditation)

Physical activity (be it yoga or aerobic-quality prostrations) does empty the mind and make it easier for me to find my seat. I need to get back into the consistent habit of using these tools to empty myself of anxiety, frustration, anger, everything... so I can just sit.

What troubled me most today

I have let the apartment get out of control this week. I still have boxes and bags of things that I need to find a place for. I'm almost out of storage space with no end to the stream of possessions that I'm still moving in. I need to make numerous trips to a used book store to sell some books. Clutter does nothing good for my mental state.

What made me happy today

My daughter and I have been reading a story a day from an anthology of stories for Buddhist parents and children called Kindness. I love her response to every story we read (with the exception of one). After I've read the last line I ask...

"So, what did you think?"

"Yeaaahhh..." she says.

Then we discuss the story briefly and talk a bit before she goes to bed. Tonight, I asked her how she would handle herself if she was confronted by a bully in school.

"I don't know," she says. "I'd have to think about it."

"You don't have time to think," I say. "Someone is literally pushing you around... What do you do?"

"I walk away," she says.

"You try to walk away, but they follow you and keep trying to push you," I say.

"I walk towards the teacher," she says.

"You don't have the attention of the teacher yet," I say. "The kid keeps pushing you around."

"I tell them to Stop pushing me," she says sweetly.

"You say it like that?!" She is being much too nice. She is a pacifist like her mom.

Next time she raises her voice a bit. Overall, I'm pleased with her strategies. She is non-violent and passive like her mom... but she's not going to go cry in the corner. She will be proactive. She is a lesson for me.

The Seventh Precept we take at Still Point tells us what to do:

Do not harbor enmity against the wrongs of others, but promote peace and justice through nonviolent means.

I'm working on it.