Home Training

Have you ever visited a restaurant or boarded an airplane and been subject to that family, you know... the one with the rambunctious, loud children who ignore their parents' pleas to sit still, stop hitting each other,  use "inside" voices? Maybe you've been that witness that frowns and exclaims, "those kids have no home training." I've found myself having thoughts like this in the past. I'd comment about a lack of discipline at home which spills over into behaviour outside of the home that is socially uncomfortable.

Daily practice is often a goal of new practitioners, but it is not always an easy, effortless goal. Your mind and your energy and your schedule might be as ranbunctious and disorderly as the children in that family. After years of no practice or haphazard practice, how do you change? How do you develop the disicipline that makes daily practice a reality?

Still Point is starting a new training program for members called One Sangha, a program which starts slower and builds gradually to include all aspects of the previous Intensive Practice program with the addition of community service. One Sangha is divided into three 3-month practice periods, each with more demands than the previous period. The interest meeting is next Sunday. If you live in Metro Detroit and would like support and structure around your practice, this would be a good thing to check out.

I haven't been to the temple in a long time... months. My formal practice has dwindled to nothing. I am seriously considering giving this new program a shot but something holds me back. I don't want to start something only to be swept away again into the chaos that is my daily life. I've been asking myself today, what makes it stick? How do you establish a practice routine that doesn't get blown away when your life gets turned upside down?

I think the answer lies in disicpline and home training.

When life is relatively normal (absent of emergencies, etc.) you have more space to dedicate to building a practice habit. Habit is the key word here. There is a difference between a habit and a wish, desire, or goal. Steven Covey, author of the bestselling Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, defines habits as:

...patterns  of behavior composed of three overlapping components: knowledge, desire, and skill.

And while I agree, these three components are requisite ingredients in the recipie that builds habits, I don't think they complete the recipie. Along with knowledge, desire, and skill, you need (or maybe I just need) practice, commitment, and consistency.

1. Knowledge - What to do and why to do it
2. Skill - How to do it
3. Desire - Want to do it
4. Practice - Repeatedly do it
5. Commitment - Pledge to do it (Not a one-time thing... every day you commit all over again)
6. Consistency - Schedule time to do it frequently and stick to the schedule

Sometimes, structure and support help. Participating in a training program with other sangha members can help you renew your commitment and desire. But when you are away from the sangha, somehow you have to overcome laziness and whatever else is blocking you and actively work with these elements until they congeal into habit.

Well, this is my theory. It is time to exercise it to see if it has wings.

Four Points of Reflection

Time spent in idle chit chat

Today was a quiet day.

Particular resistance(s) to my practice

I'm not really stuck in resistance right now. I'm just noticing how my approach to practice shifts... Sometimes I'm hot... ready to do it all. Sometimes I'm lukewarm... indifferent. Sometimes I'm cold... just don't feel like it. Right now, I'm motivated.

What troubled me most today

Today, just general nervousness about this industry I serve. The news from GM is just bleak, and so many of us who work for automotive companies are bracing for the impact. We're all wondering (even if we work for relatively stable companies) if our jobs are secure.

What made me happy today

Is it a bad sign when I pause after reading this prompt? There are plenty of things to be happy about... the rent is paid, I can pull air into my lungs, I don't have a cold, the flu, or any other sickness to contend with. My family is safe and well.

Four Points of Reflection

Time spent in idle chit chat

Not much idle chit chat today... a little e-mail banter with friends about the train wreck of a Pistons game this weekend, a fashion magazine I knew nothing about, and scrooge-like feelings about the commercialism of the Christmas season. 

Particular resistance(s) to my practicer

I'm lazy. There it is... I said it. I acknowledge it. I'm a lazy American. I can think of at least a million things I would rather do than prostrations... like turning over for a dream I just might remember, or just getting in some extra sleep. This morning, I set those things aside and did my prostrations  anyway... all 108. My legs, once again, feel like Jell-O but it's okay.

What troubled me most today

I don't know. Maybe I should be troubled by the fact that I'm not really troubled about anything. Maybe that means that I'm not in tune with the world... there are plenty of things to be troubled about, aren't there?

What made me happy today

Getting up and practicing made me happy. Hugging my daughter made me happy.

Four Points of Reflection

Time spent in idle chit chat

Today was a quiet day... no e-mail banter, no personal calls... Just the necessary conversation to get through the work day.

Particular resistance(s) to my practice

Yesterday, it was fatigue. I couldn't get out of bed to do this practice. Today, everything clicked. I woke up early and wasn't tired. I did all 108 prostrations. I sat. The practice was good today.

What troubled me most today

This was the rare day when nothing really bothered me at all.

What made me happy today

The fact that I woke up this morning and did my practice made my day.

Intensive Practice Begins Again

Last year, I started an online journal to sort of chart this journey that is my practice. Back in September of last year, I started to use my website as my Intensive Practice journal. Eventually, it became too difficult and time consuming to journal in hand-coded HTML, and that's how I arrived here.

Intensive Practice is a program at Still Point that is designed to support practitioners who want to engage in daily practice. I've written before about how I think moving towards daily practice is a process. I've been excited about today all week because I wanted to attend the Intensive Practice orientation for motivation... I thought I needed a boost to get back on the cushion. The time I spend sitting outside of temple has been at an all-time low this past month, so I thought I needed all the encouragement I could get.

Well, I didn't make it to the temple today. There wasn't even any really good reason why I didn't go.

So, I didn't get the adrenaline pumping about my practice. I didn't hear any encouraging words (if any were said at the meeting) because I wasn't there. What I'm left with is just a simple choice...

Either I'm going to do Intensive Practice or I'm not.

Moving from an occasional practitioner to a daily practitioner IS a process, but not because we need to figure out how to simplify our lives enough to make space for the practice. The process is moving from thinking about it and wanting to do it to actually doing it. Whether you are sort of half-heartedly doing it or "actually doing it" probably just depends on two things: choice and conviction.

So tomorrow, I start Intensive Practice again... Not because Still Point says it's September and this is when we start Intensive Practice, but because I really want to do it... and I really need to do it for myself.

Four Points of Reflection

Time Spent in Idle Chit Chat

Today was a quiet day. Beyond the conversation necessary to complete tasks at work and help my daughter with homework, I can't say that I spoke much today. It has been a serene day, almost retreat-like. I also didn't watch that much television. I go through spurts where I watch an endless amount of television from the time I get home from work to the time I go to bed. This can go on nightly for weeks. I notice that I don't feel energized when I'm in the midst of one of these TV marathons. More often than not, I feel drained... even perturbed. Tonight, I can hear the hum of the refrigerator, water running in the apartment upstairs, footsteps above me. My daughter snores lightly. While I often find that I feel exhausted, distracted, and impatient on Mondays, today I feel at peace.

Particular Resistance(s) to my Practice

I feel like I've moved through a long period of resistance. I could watch myself complaining about one thing or another. It felt like a downward spiral... one complaint falling to another in a domino effect.

What Troubled me Most Today

I don't know how to be with people I don't trust.

What Made me Happy Today

Today really was a trouble-free day. The weather was beautiful, the commute smooth and uneventful. It would have been a great day to play hookie and take my daughter to the ball park. She loves baseball. The Tigers won their season opener and it didn't snow. In fact, the sun shone and we could walk around without jackets. It was a good day for ice cream and sandals.

Four Points of Reflection

Time Spent in Idle Chit Chat

I spent a little time on e-mail banter with one of my line sisters. We talked about work, about life. I confessed my loneliness. I've been without relationship or prospects for almost six months. At the dawn of the new year, I felt empowered by this independence. Lately, I've felt a longing for connection. It doesn't necessarily need to be sex. I've had enough experience with the loneliness sexual encounters can engender... (Jeff over at ZenDiary.org talked about it in a recent entry that I really appreciated). But can a sista get a hug? I know I've been guarded. I haven't gone looking for relationship. I have some walls up since my last encounter. I've also felt that a relationship would likely get in the way of my practice right now. But I know what brought this all on. A guy flirted with me in the grocery store last weekend. We've had conversations before. There was something in his eyes that was just plain sexy. Ever since that look, those eyes, I've been tripping out about the fact that I am alone. I tried to brush it off and make jokes about it via e-mail today, but in the moment this is making my monkey-mind go wild.

Particular Resistance(s) to my Practice

I have not wanted to do prostrations. When I'm "off it" with my practice, I know doing prostrations is the key to getting back on. For some reason I just don't feel like it. I can't put my finger on what it is. It's not the physical nature of the bows... I've been in that space before, where I was physically overwhelmed doing them. This is something else. I'm avoiding something.

I've been on a high horse about work. I need to just admit that. I'm in deep judgement. My ego doesn't want to take the high road. It's much easier for my ego to point fingers at someone else's lack of integrity than to deal with my own.

What else is there?

I can't put my finger on anything else in the moment.

What Troubled Me Most Today

Nothing's coming up for today. I'm still stuck on what troubled me most a couple of days ago. A family member expressed that they'd be glad when Terri Schiavo kicked the bucket. They were tired of all the fuss.

When personal events spur a media frenzy, all most of us see are the cameras, the reporters, the pundits, the editorials. Perhaps we feel inconvenienced or overwhelmed by the amout of time that is spent on the issue. We might see pictures of the real people, but I think sometimes we forget that there are real, feeling, suffering people involved.

Listening to Mitch Albom riding home from work yesterday, I thought he made some poignant comments about the Terry issue. People all over the country are making end-of-life decisions for family members. Husbands and wives all over the country are entrusted by culture and by law with the responsibility for those decisions. At the heart of the Schiavo matter was (and is) a family divide. If everyone agreed on the course of action, or if Terry's wishes were documented and notorized, we wouldn't know who she was. But we do. Her husband has been demonized. The polarization in the family has extended to the nation. It really bugged me the lack of compassion expressed by my family member. "These are real people with real concerns. She's a real person with a real life." I thought.

May she rest in peace.

What Made Me Happy Today

I rush all the time. Sometimes I feel that my week has been one long day. Today, I just ate when I was eating. I went to one of my favorite Italian spots. I brought the most recent copy of Buddhadharma in with me, intending to multi-task (read and eat). I put the magazine down and tried to practice mindful eating. I can't say that I completely slowed down, but when I allow myself to focus (rather than divide) my attention, I do feel different. Strangely, it made me happy to just sit there and chew my food without watching a clock or a television. Just enjoying a meal.

Four Points of Reflection

Particular resistance(s) to my practice

I'm not sleeping well. Last night I stared at the clock until it was nearly 1:00 AM. I got out of bed and started doing prostrations. My ability (or lack thereof) to do prostrations is one way that I can monitor my progress and my commitment to do intensive practice. The guideline is 108 prostrations a day. I haven't done any in so long I could barely get to 25. My legs burned today as if I had run a mile.

I don't know the history of the bow. I don't know if all Zen traditions practice bowing or not, but there is something olympic about the speed and intensity of prostrations in a Korean Zen temple. The Koreans and the Indians must have known the same thing... you have to prepare with the body if you want to practice with the mind. When practicing yoga, asanas (poses) are just one limb on an eight-limb path. The eight limbs are:

• Yamas (The Five Moral Restraints)
• Ahisma (Nonviolence)
• Satya (Truthfulness)
• Asteya (Nonstealing)
• Brahmacarya (Moderation)
• Aparigraha (Nonhoarding)
• Niyamas (The Five Observances)
  • Sauca (Purity)
  • Santosa (Contentment)
  • Tapas (Zeal/Austerity)
  • Svadhyaya (Self-study)
  • Isvara-pranidhana (Devotion to a higher power)
• Asanas (Postures)
• Pranayama (Mindful Breathing)
• Pratyahara (Turning Inward)
• Dharana (Concentration)
• Dhyana (Meditation)
• Samadhi (Union of Self with Object of Meditation)

Physical activity (be it yoga or aerobic-quality prostrations) does empty the mind and make it easier for me to find my seat. I need to get back into the consistent habit of using these tools to empty myself of anxiety, frustration, anger, everything... so I can just sit.

What troubled me most today

I have let the apartment get out of control this week. I still have boxes and bags of things that I need to find a place for. I'm almost out of storage space with no end to the stream of possessions that I'm still moving in. I need to make numerous trips to a used book store to sell some books. Clutter does nothing good for my mental state.

What made me happy today

My daughter and I have been reading a story a day from an anthology of stories for Buddhist parents and children called Kindness. I love her response to every story we read (with the exception of one). After I've read the last line I ask...

"So, what did you think?"

"Yeaaahhh..." she says.

Then we discuss the story briefly and talk a bit before she goes to bed. Tonight, I asked her how she would handle herself if she was confronted by a bully in school.

"I don't know," she says. "I'd have to think about it."

"You don't have time to think," I say. "Someone is literally pushing you around... What do you do?"

"I walk away," she says.

"You try to walk away, but they follow you and keep trying to push you," I say.

"I walk towards the teacher," she says.

"You don't have the attention of the teacher yet," I say. "The kid keeps pushing you around."

"I tell them to Stop pushing me," she says sweetly.

"You say it like that?!" She is being much too nice. She is a pacifist like her mom.

Next time she raises her voice a bit. Overall, I'm pleased with her strategies. She is non-violent and passive like her mom... but she's not going to go cry in the corner. She will be proactive. She is a lesson for me.

The Seventh Precept we take at Still Point tells us what to do:

Do not harbor enmity against the wrongs of others, but promote peace and justice through nonviolent means.

I'm working on it.

Four Points of Reflection

Time spent in idle chit chat

Today there was more of the same at work. I didn't try to play both sides so everyone would like me. Instead, I listened and reminded myself to stay neutral. I was also able to particpate in a little e-mail banter with my sorority sisters. I have been in a sorority for just over a year now. Being in a sorority forces me to look at the place of friends in my life. It gives me the opportunity to challenge myself in an area that I have neglected since my daughter was born. I have never been one to have more than a few close friends in my life at a given time... typically less than five people that I call somewhat frequently. I am not a phone person. I can't spend hours on end on the phone jabbering away every day. I don't have time for it. But I do enjoy the company and conversation of good friends. Last year when I gained 14 line sisters and a worldwide collective of sorority sisters, I was a bit taken aback. I can't say that I have fully taken advantage of the opportunity to move beyond my comfort zone and expand my circle of friends and confidantes. Today's entry in the Digital Buddha Vacana is an infamous exchange between Buddha and Ananda on friendship as the holy life:

Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."

"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, and comrades, he can be expected to develop and pursue the noble eightfold path.

If the whole of the spiritual life is good friends, I am not living it fully. I could stretch myself a bit and begin to engage my sorors and my Sangha... bringing more presence and attention to my relationship with both of these new groups in my life.

Particular resistance(s) to my practice

I'm still disorganized, and I've developed a serious resistance to getting up on time in the morning. My alarm goes off at 4:45 every morning. I lie there listening to NPR until I fall asleep again. Then I wake up at 6:15 intending to jump out of bed and scramble to get out of the house at 7:00. Then I continue to lie there until 6:30 or 6:40 when I know I'm really in trouble—no matter how much I rush, I'll be late.

What troubled me most today

I'm too burned out to care about my late problem. This troubles me. You can't course correct when you don't care about staying on course. It is hard enough to remain integrous when you want to... it is damned near impossible to do so when you are indifferent.

What made me happy today

Two more days and I'm on vacation for the rest of the year. I also resolved a challenge at work reducing the amount of work I have to do to complete one of my projects by at least 50%. I watched myself as the bickering and in-fighting went on around me. I tried to be mindful of what I said. I paid attention instead of falling into the usual trap... participating in gossip and idle chit chat.

Four Points of Reflection

Time spent in idle chit chat

Today, not so much. A little banter back and forth with a co-worker... We do it to cope with the climate at work, but nothing changes.

Particular resistance(s) to my practice

My life is totally disorganized right now. The house is disorganized. I seem to wait until the last minute to get critical things done. Right now, I should have a load of laundry going while I write. I'm getting up to load the washing machine now.

Well, that's done... but there is so much more to do. I have three baskets of clean clothes in the laundry room that need to be folded and put away. I have a room full of papers (junk mail, my daughter's school work, holiday shopping magazines, etc.) that need to be processed, organized or thrown away. I have so much packing to do! Next week, I pick up the keys for our new apartment. I will be moving the week before Christmas, and I haven't started to get anything organized.

This is not Zen. Zen is orderly. Zen is disciplined. Zen requires doing all the little mundane things that need to be done with mindful attention.

I cannot sit in my room right now. There is too much clutter. It prevents me from sticking to my schedule. I haven't been meditating lately. Instead, I've been thinking about Mu [무]. Not practicing with it... trying to intellectualize it. I see what I'm doing when I'm doing it, and I know it is futile. I do it anyway. This is the part of starting Koan practice that worried me. I think I can beat the dealer. I think I can outsmart these crazy questions. Consciously, I know how ridiculous it is to think these thoughts. Unconsciously, I believe I am "smart enough" to crack open koans with the power of my intellect.

So, in a nutshell... ego, disorganization and procrastination are the resistances I'm dealing with. (Besides the fact I have a mad crush on someone right now).

I couldn't sleep last night for thinking about the possibility of him. It is such a reach—to think that anything would ever develop between us—but I can't stop thinking about it.

What troubled me most today

I mentioned before that the climate is difficult. I work on what is currently a three person team. The other two people on my team don't get along and don't like each other. One is a co-worker, the other our supervisor... it gets really difficult to maintain neutrality sometimes. I take issue with both of them. Like everyone else, they both have issues they could work on. Instead, they each spend a lot of time talking about each other. I participate on both sides (even if my participation means simply listening to my boss criticize my co-worker) while I shouldn't be on either side. Today I felt like I was facing a firing squad. The supervisor started asking 20 questions about why my co-worker hasn't finished a critical deliverable. I told the truth, but I'm not happy with myself. I unintentionally stabbed a friend in the back. I should've minded my own business. I should've been strong enough to stay out of the middle of a mess. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do in the moment. I am brilliant at thinking up flippant come-back lines a day or two after the fact. Today, I just folded... I gave up the goods... I felt like a rat. This is what happens when I don't practice... my mindfulness is weak and I screw up.

What made me happy today

Writing this journal entry makes me happy. The fact that I "got off it" and returned a phone call I was hesitant to return and do what I said I would do made me happy. Restoring the kitchen to order made me happy. Now I just have to tackle what's left so I can clear some space for my practice.