Relationship Dharma

I'm still continuing my study on Dharma for Relationships. Last weekend, I uncovered a couple of interesting posts, threads and articles:

On the Dharma Realm Buddhist Youth (DRBY) website, there is an interesting thread about love and relationships. Some questions are raised: 

Can there be unconditional love in a romantic relationship? Should I have expectations in a romantic relationship? Is sexual desire bad in a romantic relationship? Being single= Being lonely and bored?

 Some cogent points were made:

Honesty is the most fundamental quality to a meaningful relationship...if you are dishonest even once, you will change the nature of this relationship completely...from something totally genuine and true to manipulation.

A meaningful relationship can only come from two truely free people who are willing to give each other the freedom to choose to be with each other at every moment. They are not bound by desire, need, boredom, or self projections (expectations).

A meaningful relationship is very genuine and compassionate. You will always look out for the best interest of your partner instead of yourself.

Having standards does not mean having expectations. Abandon expectations.

It's an interesting conversation. Check it out...

There's also this great Dharma talk out there... Jason mentioned it in a comment to a previous entry. It was deliverd at a wedding presided over by Sensei James Ishmael Ford. Good stuff.

And finally, there's this UrbanDharma.org Newsletter from March 2004 on Love in Buddhism.

I don't have any commentary on these things today... Just thought I'd share.

Comments

[Phyl8116]

(Sigh)... I too have chosen to make a conscious effort to re-enter the dating world. I'm so disappointed in the fear factor.... it's as if having finally gotten up the nerve to contact and communicate, my return emails are cheerful and end at the 2nd one, as if a third would have to include a "date", which is the whole purpose of online dating -- at least that's what I thought! I can almost hear the tires screech up to that fatal point. But I can't be brave enough for two, and frankly I'm in despair because I'd kill for a HUG. A long, warm, breathe-in-his-scent HUG. It seems as probable as hitting the lotto.

[chalip]

Phyl8116...
I know what you mean. I enjoy being in a relationship but I don't like the whole "pre-dating" phase. It's just fraut with disappointment, anxiety, hope, frustration... but I suppose it is all part of the journey. It would be nice if there could be some snap-of-the-fingers nice guy with perfect compatibility and great conversation who is just attentive enough without being smothering who can make you laugh and knows how to have a good time. Unfortunately, my wand is broken at the moment.

Don't get discouraged. But if you do... (stay tuned... I think this deserves a post).

[haikupoet]

i like the part about abandoning expectations. i find that useful in my marriage, as well as with my kids. it's natural to have expectations, but as a buddhist, we can be aware of them and observe them, and allow the relationship to be what is is, rather than what we expect it to be. relationship dharma is definitely a rich topic to explore. good luck in your studies.

[susanp]

hi. i love the issues you ponder. bringing dharma into everyday life without boundary is my deepest interest and i love writing about it too. when i saw your post about relationships, wanted to share this:
http://susanpiverblog.blogspot.com/search/label/relationships

[chalip]

Thanks, Susan...

Bringing dharma into relationships is an interest of mine... As of late, I have no "romantic" relationships to speak of with which to practice any of these teachings I've found... but perhaps it is preparation, this study...

Thanks for pointing me to your blog. I look forward to reading it.

A bow,
chalip

[swingers]

I like to imagine myself as a model, like a fashion type.
It never happened for me, so now I'm going the
glamour route. http://www.geocities.com/swingers_ads_2005/ I came back
for the one in my green heels two days later.
The weather was warm so being bottomless was actually a lot of fun.