43 Things

I was surfing the net for information for one of my hobbies and came across this site called 43 things. I can't believe I've been blogging for a while but never came across this site. Basically, it allows you to create an account and list 43 things you want to do. You can post your progress to the site (and to your blog), and program in nudges or "friendly reminders" to keep yourself on track.

I've browsed the site a little bit... and the "things" range from the trivial to the extreme. But, I thought I'd post this as a follow-up to a recent entry for the new year on resolutions as another way to stay on track with personal goals.

Now I'm off to list my 43 things.

New on Buddhist Blogs

I've been neglecting my duties as manager of the Buddhist Blogs webring. Today, when I logged in to view recently submitted sites, this photoblog caught my eye. It is called  Cuckoo's call.

The author states in one of his posts:

When we live in a city, our lives are unavoidably intertwined with, and sustained by, many others.

In his first few series of photographs, he takes us into the heart of Calcutta and provides a glimpse of the laborers... vendors, rickshaw pullers, everyday people. As an economist, he offers social commentary about these telling snapshots.

He links to another blogger, Amit kumar Singh, whose last post (dated August 10) delves into the "problem" of the middle class.

I am an American. A rather priviledged American. I've had a good education. I have a good job. It is a good job that I like to complain about at times, but I should have no complaints. I think my life is simple, that I don't consume excessively, and perhaps relative to others that live in my community, the statement has some truth. But I'm still a middle-class American. That means I am in a good place even if I open my mouth to complain about gasoline prices, the APR on my credit cards, the war, politics, corporate life, or any of the other things that middle-class Americans complain about.

Somehow, a brief glance at Rama's blog reminded me that I live not in a city, not in a country, but in a world. Somehow, a brief perusal of his words and his snapshots woke me up to gratitude and made me think about something that I think is a somewhat uncomfortable subject for self-proclaimed Buddhists in America.

Having.

Every now and then someone will talk about perceived racism in Buddhist temples or practice centers in America. A discussion ensues and people of color share feelings about the subject. I listen, and while I do not in any way diminish or disregard any of the points raised or feelings shared there is always this feeling in my gut that tells me that race is not the prevailing issue... the prevailing issue is class.

We don't talk about it, but I've seen it manifest in subtle ways. Sometimes I think many Buddhists in America are embarrassed by what they have individually and what we have collectively in this country. I think there is an underlying embarassment about excess. And while I think embarassment can be useful in that it is one of those uncomfortable feelings that cause us to look at ourselves, I think it would be most useful to turn whatever uncomfortable feelings we might have about what we have into an unshakable, sustained practice of generosity.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with having. I think the problem is hoarding. But there is a simple answer.

Giving.

Where've You Been?

I haven't been living online lately. I've been taking a refresher course in C#  and I've started a writer's group with a couple of friends. We haven't met in the past few weeks because I've been spending my weekends coding and trying to remember everything I thought I knew about object-oriented programming. It's all a bit boring unless you're a nerd (or a wannabe nerd like me) and just into that sort of thing.

There's also quite a bit up for my family... my father continues to be in and out of the hospital. I'm happy to report that he is doing well now, but I'm worried about my mother. My mom is that kind of woman like the main character in Lackawana Blues... I think many of us in the African American community can relate the story to a relative... an aunt, a mother, a grandmother. Our community is full of strong matriarchs... giving women who do it all and make it look easy. My mother is having a lot of tests run over the next couple of weeks. If you chant and it's not an imposition, please chant for my mother. She takes a lot on her shoulders, she's under a great deal of stress and I'm concerned that she may be taking on some stress-related illness.

I haven't been reading blogs, which I miss. When this class ends in a couple of weeks, I hope to have time to reconnect with the bloggers I grew accustomed to reading frequently.

Thanks to everyone who left comments over the past few months... Again, I've lapsed into a lot of offline activity that leaves me little time to engage the blogosphere. I've left comments unanswered for a while and I apologize for the long delay...

Are You Kidding Me?

When people acknowledge this blog in any way I am just astonished. I was stunned when people started commenting on these posts. I was stunned when some of my dharma brothers and sisters at Still Point would approach me and say, "Hey, I enjoy reading your blog." And I was stunned earlier this year when I found that this space was featured in an issue of Buddhadharma magazine. Though I was humbled and surprised, I didn't want to talk about it.

People who know me know that I really don't like attention. I'm uncomfortable in any sort of spotlight. I'd rather blend in with the crowd under a strobe light in a club with a bangin' beat.

When I learned today that the curator of the Blogisattva Awards selected this site as Blog of the Year, I was equally stunned. A big part of me thinks that the only reason why Tom selected this site was to get me to come out of whatever rock I've been under these past few months and think about blogging again.

I'm not going to make an acceptance speech. I really do understand where Amadeus was coming from when he asked to be removed from the running, and I thought about doing the same. I guess these awards (and anything else) only hold the meaning that we give to them. Instead of looking at this exercise as something that spurs competition, I choose to see it as a showcase of all of the great things that we've seen come out of the Buddhist Blogisphere in 2005. There was a literal explosion and I'm still so pleased to stumble upon the new sites that crop up every month.

This space is currently in transition. I'm still thinking about what I want to do with it... how and if I want to continue it. Time will tell. A heartfelt thank you to all of you who've been on this journey with me. The bloggers I read (IMHO) are much more deserved of this honor than I am.

So I'll encourage all of you to continue to check out Blogmandu, Tasty Links, the Buddhist Blogs Webring, Blangha.com and all Buddhist Bloggers with blogrolls and Kinja digests who leave trails of breadcrumbs across the web that allow us to find each other.

Unexcused Absences

I guess I could've said something. I really didn't plan to check out of the blogosphere for as long as I have... almost a month now... but that's how it goes sometimes. At the end of the year I was experiencing total burnout. It affected everything... my attitude, my tolerance level, my yoga and meditation practice. I needed to do three things, and I alternated my time between cleaning house, resting and playing with my daughter.

I've missed out on several comments... I'll catch up over the next few days. For now, I'll just thank those of you who stopped by with a few words. I'm also late responding to several requests to join the Buddhist Blogs webring. I've just added three new blogs as I'm typing this. I browsed them a bit today. Here are a few snippets from these new members of the blangha.

First, there's Michael. He's writing about life with an incurable illness... and like all else that confronts us in life, he deals by placing One Foot in Front of the Other. In a post titled That's Not Buddhism, he shares this cogent quote:

Regretting the fact that you likely won't have a long life isn't Buddhism. Giving thanks for a long life isn't Buddhism, either.
Buddhism is living in the moment and making the most of the life you have.

Next, we welcome Manoverboard, the stew of an anonymous chef who blends quotes, art, short musings and miscellaneous obscure facts... mostly short entries that can be read quickly. This post on meditation practice caught my eye:

When I teach meditation, I often begin by saying: "Bring your mind home. And release. And relax."

To bring your mind home means to bring the mind into the state of Calm Abiding through the practice of mindfulness. In its deepest sense, to bring your mind home is to turn your mind inward and rest in the nature of mind. This itself is the highest meditation.

To release means to release the mind from its prison of grasping, since you recognize that all pain and fear and distress arise from the craving of the grasping mind. On a deeper level, the realization and confidence that arise from your growing understanding of the nature of mind inspire the profound and natural generosity that enables you to release all grasping from your heart, letting it free itself to melt away in the inspiration of meditation.

To relax means to be spacious and to relax the mind of its tensions. More deeply, you relax into the true nature of your mind, the state of Rigpa. It is like pouring a handful of sand onto a hot surface, and each grain settles of its own accord. This is how you relax into your true nature, letting all thoughts and emotions naturally subside and dissolve into the state of the nature of mind.

Last but not least, I welcome tonight Jayarava of The Jayarava Rave whose recent post speaks to responsibility from a Buddhist perspective. While there are no rules, there are always consequences.  Jayarava closes it out with the following:

I don't think rules will help me be a better person. Only awareness can do that. As a member of the Western Buddhist Order I have made an explicit commitment to develop that kind of awareness. This apparent abrogation of rules is not a shrugging off of responsibility. On the contrary I am taking seriously the responsibility to weigh my every action of body, speech and mind, to see whether it is likely to cause harm to any living being.

The post speaks to karma and right action in the absence of coersion. Worth reading. Check it out.

More on Webring Management

A couple of weeks ago I tried to browse the entire Buddhist Blogs webring but kept hitting snags because some of the sites no longer carry the navigation code. I think the ring is one of the main benefits of a webring... the ability to cycle through a group of related sites without jumping back to a directory. Nevertheless, I also understand that some blogging services don't allow users to modify their page code, I understand that some people just don't like the way webring code looks on the page... and because this category is so specialized, I think I would rather have a large directory with a broken ring than a small directory with a working ring.

To those of you that have requested being added to the site even though you can't add the navigation code, I'll say yes. Webring members, I encourage you to post your objections (if you have any) here.

A bow of gratitutde to all of you who participate in Buddhist Blogs.

And the Dust Settles, Again...

Well, I guess I just got tired of troubleshooting my initial Year 2 design. Today I've been tuning a Typepad template to arrive at this look/layout. While I like this look, this three column layout feels a little crowded. I'll probably leave it for a while to see how I feel about it. Let me know what you think...

Pardon the Dust...

This weekend SixApart made several major upgrades to Typepad, the blogging service I use. I've noticed that comments aren't posting properly... posts aren't archiving properly. It's a holiday, and I don't want to spend it fixing code... so I'll just say this for now...

1. If you can leave a comment, I can read it. It will be posted when I get this mess cleaned up.
2. If you can't leave a comment for a recent post, you should be able to soon.
3. What are you doing reading blogs? Go to a barbeque!
4. Happy 4th of July.
5. Think about someone you know in the service. Appreciate them. Think about someone you don't know in the service. Appreciate them too.
6. If you really must read something today, I suggest the Memorial Day message delivered last year at Still Point. It begins with a passage from a young soldier's war journal:

June 7

If anybody finds this notebook, please send it to my father, Mr. James Collins, care of the Norfolk and Western Railway, Roanoke, Virginia.

I do not think I am going to make it through this fighting. It is too rough. When we came in I thought the whole world was falling apart. The sea was choppy and tossing everybody around, and some of the guys were throwing up. The noise was like the worst thunderstorm you had ever heard, but instead of being up in the sky it was all around you. It was more than all around, it was inside of us. Me, Bobby Joe, Alonzo, Mikey and Eddie Plummer were together in the assault boat. The boats formed a circle until they were ready to hit the beach. My mouth went dry. Bobby Joe patted my arm and I took his hand and shook it. His hand was soaking wet.

...From The Journal of Scott Pendleton Collins, Scholastic, Inc. p. 14

P'arang goes on to describe three characteristics (from a Buddhist perspective) that make up a noble American. After the dharma talk last year, we all received pins with three beads on them... one red, one white, and one blue. I still drive around with my pin on the dashboard of my car so I'll remember the message. Be responsible. Be humble. Be grateful. I don't know about you, but I think that simply taking these three characteristics on as a practice could change the world.

One Year in the Blogosphere

This past week marked my one year anniversary in the Blogosphere. To mark the occasion, I decided to give the blog a facelift. It has been a rewarding year. This blog has charted my journey into the Dharma... starting just months after I found a place to practice, formally took on the precepts, and decided to make Buddhism my spiritual home.

Reviewing past entries, if I could sum up this year in two words, they would be Overcoming Resistance. Many of my entries have dealt with my fledgling attempts to stay on the cushion or get back on the cushion when life and my approach to it tended to pull me elsewhere. This year has been about setting aside complaints, excuses, and strongly-held tendencies... replacing them with "don't know," and replacing them with practice.

I've wavered between viewing blogging as a distraction... something that takes me away from my practice... and blogging as an integral part of my practice. The more I sit in this medium, the more I can see that blogging can be an important form of practice. Sitting alone on my zafu, I am usually not confronted by the thoughts and opinions of others. When I enter the blogosphere, I find myself in a space where right speech becomes imperative... where compassion and honesty in my conversations with others becomes a key element of the communication process.

As for this next year in the blogosphere? I hope to go deeper. I hope to go deeper in my practice. I hope to continue to connect with the community of Buddhist Bloggers that seems to be growing every day. My thanks and appreciation to all of you that have touched my life through your blogs, your comments, your example.

Blogging while Black (and Buddhist)

I've been on the lookout for blogs by or about Black Buddhists. This evening, my inbox yielded a warm message from the author of Kiamsha.com... a relatively new blog by a Buddhist-leaning (and all-around spiritual) sista from DC who loves the word "groovy".

One of the first Blogging while Black and Buddhist (BwBB) sites I found was Serene Dharma, where dear sista Serenity speaks on life in general.

There are some brothers out there representing... The Republic of T by Terrence which hails a Buddhism category in RSS, and Steps Along the Path by Nirodha from the UK who practices Jhana.

There are other BwB blogs out there that might be written by Buddhists. They are mostly political blogs with a few sprinklings of Buddhism here and there. They just don't say enough for me to classify them as BwBB blogs.

Is anyone else out there? Come on people, give me a shout. I want to read your blog!

Catharsis

So today I freaked out and blogged on a very personal issue. I woke up with it on my mind, and writing about it somehow helped me figure out what actions to take, what resources to seek, what to do.

Later, a friend e-mailed with helpful advice and a wise question. How would those involved feel if they ever read about it on my blog? Good point. One I didn't think about until reading that e-mail. I think I blog anonymously... I haven't shared the fact that I'm blogging with family or friends... But who really knows who's reading.

Maybe this is my rookie  mistake. I'm wondering what fellow bloggers have to say on the issue... Just how personal should one get in a blog? How much should you really share? What's off limits? These are all subjective questions... I'm sure different people will feel different things... But I'm curious. If you have an opinion, please chime in.

And to those who showed concern, who left comments, e-mailed... a heartfelt thank you. I've removed them from the site, but I've appreciated them deeply. Thanks for caring.

Buddhist Blogs Webring, v. 2.0

As of this morning, I was invited to participate in enough webrings to start one myself. The Buddhist Blogs webring is open and accepting new members. The introduction is posted as follows:

If you blog frequently about any aspect of Buddhism (dharma study, practice within a specific tradition, meditation, rituals, or your Buddhist take on current issues and affairs) join this webring so like-minded Bloggers can find and support your site. This webring is limited to blogs/personal journals only... no commercial sites.

To join, visit the home page and submit your site. I will receive your application, check to make sure you have the webring code on your site, and more than likely add you to the ring (I will automatically deny commercial sites and sites with "mature" content).

I'm preparing to leave for a five-night vacation in the morning, so if you sign up today it is likely that I can approve your site tonight. Otherwise, please be patient... I might not have Internet access again until next weekend (how will I ever survive).

Please send your suggestions if you have ideas on how to improve the webring. I'm borrowing the "Buddhist Blogs" image that I've found on several blogs... I don't know who created the image, so if you know please let me know.

Buddhist Blogs Webring

I've seen the following image on several Buddhist Blogs I've found in the past few weeks:

Initially, when I saw the image, I thought it was a button for a Buddhist Blogs Webring. Hovering over the image, I found it was not hyperlinked. Today my blog was registered at BlogWise, and I signed up for another blog directory called BlogClicker. I found that BlogClicker offers a free BlogRing service, so I decided to start one.

-- Edited 06 February 2005 @ 9:54 AM --
In my original post I had a link and instructions on how to join the BlogClicker hosted Blog Ring (Buddhist Blogs). Unfortunately, I have found that this service has too many bugs. I'm in the process of creating this webring using a different service. Look for future updates.

If you already tried to join the blogring, I will e-mail you when the new service is up and running so you can join a stable/operational webring of Buddhist Bloggers.

Apologies for the confusion.
-- End Edit --

Navigating the Blogging Community

I think I heard Marianne Williamson say once that if you have something that you feel the need to say, there is someone out there that needs to hear it. I might be misquoting and I might be incorrect about the source... I want to write about the sentiment.

I've been blogging in an isolated space for six months. I didn't know much about the blogging community (beyond the fact that it existed) and I didn't care. I started this blog because I wanted to write about something I feel driven to explore. I wanted to use writing as a way to deepen the exploration. Now, a few weeks after purchasing a real blogging service (Typepad) and a few days after discovering blog directories and audience feeders, I'm finding some aspects of being in this community distracting, uncomfortable, unappealing.

I spent the past two days pimping my site on Blog Explosion and BlogAzoo. I must have viewed close to 200 websites and found maybe 5 that I will visit again. I created a banner for my blog:

I assigned credits, I exploited the power of Firefox tabbed browsing and had multiple browsing sessions going on at once trying to rack up points and site visits. A couple of people made really nice comments on my blog. It was exciting... My first comments! Then I started to think about these past few days and how far I've deviated from my purpose here.

In all that time, I could have been meditating. I could have been reading. I could have spent more time with my daughter. I could have been writing. I could have been doing kong'an (Korean romanization of the word "koan") practice (the Buddhist temple I attend is of Korean lineage). I could've gotten some exercise instead of sitting on my futon all day with a computer in my lap. I wasted two days of my life for what I can now see is nothing but the Drum Major Instinct that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. talked about in his sermon of the same name. A few excerpts:

There is deep down within all of us an instinct. It's a kind of drum major instinct—a desire to be out front, a desire to lead the parade, a desire to be first. And it is something that runs the whole gamut of life.

We all want to be important, to surpass others, to achieve distinction, to lead the parade. Alfred Adler, the great psychoanalyst, contends that this is the dominant impulse. Sigmund Freud used to contend that sex was the dominant impulse, and Adler came with a new argument saying that this quest for recognition, this desire for attention, this desire for distinction is the basic impulse, the basic drive of human life, this drum major instinct.

And you know, we begin early to ask life to put us first. Our first cry as a baby was a bid for attention. And all through childhood the drum major impulse or instinct is a major obsession. Children ask life to grant them first place. They are a little bundle of ego. And they have innately the drum major impulse or the drum major instinct.

As I went pimping around, I discovered something... some piece of this instinct in myself. It is so Junior High! I want people to like my blog. I want people to value what I say. For a minute I forgot what I was doing here and I went for blogging community prom queen. I went for popularity. I went for traffic. I hope I never get caught up in the blog pimping business again. I will leave my listings out there... and perhaps people will find this site like I found Ow, My Blog and others... If there is an audience for Buddhist blogs, people will search for them. My whoring days are over. I'm off to try to be a bodhisattva... off to save the world one breath at a time.

Does Joshu's blog have buddha nature?
Mu!

Why? He was so busy pimping for traffic he didn't have time to build it.

Joining the Blogging Community

Well, it's official. After pseudo-blogging on my personal Earthlink home page for six-months (hand coding entries on a static HTML website with no comments or trackbacks or any of the other interactive features that make a blog a blog), I have joined the Blogging community. This site now appears on Blog Explosion and Blogarama. I'm still waiting for inclusion on Blogwise. I visited Peace Blogs to learn more and hopefully submit my site there, but they are closed for new business.

I have surfed at least 50 sites so far on BlogExplosion, 99.5% of which I could do without... But there are some very interesting people out there, with compelling things to say. I'm starting to get excited about coming out of the blogging closet and sharing some of myself with the world.

My initial intent in starting this blog was to do my Intensive Practice work live... to let people who are interested in Zen/Buddhism see what it is like to really delve into practice. I also wanted to connect with other Buddhists across the globe and create a community of kalyana mitta (spiritual friends) who will remind me to keep going when the going gets tough. Although I place a lot of emphasis on the fact that I am an African-American Buddhist, I am not here for political reasons... I'm not on a crusade. While I might at times raise awareness of Black Buddhist issues, the main intent of this site is to focus on my practice and use this site as a vehicle for my practice.

Thanks to the bloggers that have made me pause, read, laugh, nod and smile:

• Tam, whose beautiful photography would be enough... whose insights make all the difference (thanks for my first comment :).
• Ow, My Blog... a thriving Buddhist blog I will read often (thanks for the reference to Mountain Record... I plan to check it out soon).
• Steps Along the Path... another thriving Buddhist blog I will read often (thanks for the reference to the recent Washington Post article on Meditation).
• Running with Scissors... (thanks for putting yourself out there... Though the relationship seems like eons ago, I can relate to this list... been there/done that)
• Karmic Delusion... a Buddhist blog on hiatus... Good stuff. Hope it comes back to life.

When I get around to starting a Blog Roll, it will likely list these sites and more.