A Solitary Work

It is so easy to judge. Our eyes are always facing outward, and our thoughts are often chasing that line of sight. We see people that we know or don't know and we size them up. We see people that we like or don't like and we praise or blame.

I've been concerned about someone for a long time. This person and I, we share a mutual friend. I find myself often discussing my concerns with the mutual friend. These concerns have become a frequent topic of conversation. But what do these talks accomplish?

Perhaps they are an occasion to release frustrations, but I've asked myself lately... How much venting does one need? How long can you continue to discuss something or someone until you have utterly exhausted the topic. At what point has enough been said? When do you know that you've crossed the line from constructive conversation to judgmental bashing?

Through this situation, I'm starting to see that the more time I waste dissecting someone else's issues, the less time I spend on my own. We often get pleasure from gossip--from talking about people--because in pointing out their flaws we think we somehow mask our own. We get into the game of making comparisons. We are happy when we believe we come out ahead.

How do we break out of a cycle that is so common in our society? How to we learn to stop judging and start practicing right speech?

Just now while writing this, I remembered a little mantra that I learned a long time ago (the source has been forgotten). But I looked up the little phrase online and found that it has been attributed to Shirdi Sai Baba, an Indian saint:

Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?

That last phrase I wasn't even aware of... I had heard it a bit differently--Is it true, Is it kind, Is it necessary--but the final phrase adds a little something. Silence can be a beautiful thing. If my words aren't so true, kind, and necessary that they are better than silence, perhaps they are best kept to myself.