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I recently helped to oversee a jukai (lay precepts)ceremony. I myself took lay precepts in 1993 and am continually flabbergasted at how little I have actually changed in the subsequent 13 years since! What this practice has done for me is exactly as you say: made me more aware of my "unskillfull states of mind" the selfishness and greed that is born of fear. Still, if I were not sitting at all the delusion would be that much deeper. We sit to see what we are not to plan on "becoming" somehting else.


Chalip, first of all, how did you manage to get your hands on a copy of Survivor? Been trying to do that for I don't know how long now.

Second of all, I think I'm in the same place you are in. I'm having quite the bumpy ride myself with practice, and having the inner dialogue about it as well. I pretty much arrived at the same conclusion as you: not practicing doesn't work. I think more folks than not fall off in their practice. I am thinking lately that it's the getting back on track that matters most sometimes.


I tend to go thru the same "experinces" over and over cause there's something I need to learn or understand. Sometimes in our journey we might worry that we're doing the same things and don't want to share but really that's what it'a about. Sharing the path to our enlightenment...however it happens. For the record mini Dove bars are not a bad way to cope =P


chimyo... What you said makes a lot of sense. And you're right... the delusion WOULD be that much deeper. All the more reason to sit and practice right now.

Anitra... I had a feeling the remaining copies out there would all but disappear after Octavia died and I wanted to read it so badly that I paid a ridiculous amount of money for the book. The public libraries in the area don't have it, so I sucked it up. It was worth it.

You're right too, I think. It's like that gospel song my mother loves so much... "We fall down, then we get up..." I just struggle with being down there... seeing myself in the same place and thinking, "Damn! Here we go again." But such is life, and so goes the practice.

Hey Gurl! When I read the last sentence of your post I smiled and said "Sweet!" out loud. My daughter wanted to know what I was talking about. Thanks for the reminder.

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