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Gareth

Know exactley how you feel. Jeffs' words resonate for me as well.

At the moment I have enough trouble living, let alone writing about it.

Best Wishes, whatever you decide.

Jason

What makes you think you're not practicing? Sitting on a cushion isn't the only form of practice. In fact, it sounds like your practice is growing (though it may not be what you think it should be). You're seeing reality in everyday life, and gaining deep insight as a result. How can this not be practice?

One of my biggest gripes with Zen (and that doesn't mean I don't love it, cause I do) is that we're taught that meditation is the only useful form of practice. This simply isn't true, and in some ways it hinders us from learning to bring our practice of mindfulness into everyday life. I haven't sat on a cushion since last August, and I feel better for it. Life is my Zen practice. Living mindfully, with loving-kindness, compassion, peace and joy. Of course, there are days when I fall short, but that's okay since I'm only human: prone to mistakes and limited by my very nature.

So, don't be so hard on yourself (I think this is the third time I've said this to you =). You're doing good work, and years of habitual patterns don't just transform overnight. Here's a great article from Access to Insight about practicing the four sublime states (http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/
nyanaponika/wheel006.html). In Mahayana and Zen they're called the four immeasurables, and I highly recommend their practice. If nothing else, a change of mental scenery may be refreshing =).

Kind regards,

Jason

HumanityCritic

Just passing through, I'm digging the blog by the way..

chalip

Jason! Always good to hear from you.

I get what you're saying and I thank you for saying it. I am fundamentally hard headed so don't be surprised or impateint with me if you come back and find yourself saying the same thing at some point in the future ;)

Haven't had a chance to check out the four sublime states yet but I will. Thanks for the pointer.

HumanityCritic... thanks for stopping by. Not much going on here lately but hopefully that will change soon.

chalip

SWD

Just ran across your post while looking at ACIM-related blogs. Great post & discussion. I also saw that DMC special about his adoption search not too long ago. It was very touching and very emotional. I'm a Life Mom myself (prefer that term to the very undescriptive birth mom term) so actually I try to usually avoid watching things about adoption on TV because they either exploit people's emotions or give out a lot of misinformation. But the DMC special was very tasteful and well-done. Now I don't know if it interests you...but here is a little thought on how A Course of Miracles has helped me heal as a life mom. Obviously most life moms I know place their babies because they are told that it is the right thing to do. That a better off couple could offer the baby a better life and more love than a (usually) single, young mother could. They are told that it's selfish of them to consider raising the baby themselves. They are not told how adoption will rip open a piece of their heart that just will never heal. They don't know how they will go from being treated like angels before the adoption to uncaring, selfish, abandoning, undeserving mothers after the adoption if they dare talk about their experience and the baby that they still love. Society wants the babies...but also justs wants all the life mothers who provide those little babies to silently disappear. So what does a women do who has this huge hole of emptiness and pain in her heart over a decision that she can not change nor fix and a baby that she loves deeply but whom she is considered to be undeserving of even knowing if the baby is alive & happy? Is it no wonder that so many mothers shove this feeling deep down and pretend to follow society's desire that they "forget"... but yet are completely unprepared if they should be so lucky as to have the opportunity for reunion because it opens up a wound that has never healed and has only grown larger. Isn't it more of a wonder that there ever are positive adoption reunion stories when you have people (life parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents) coming together who don't know what to do to heal the hurts of their heart and who are still ruled by the ghosts of all their past hurts & experiences?

So what does ACIM offer me as a life mom? It offers me the only way I've found so far to completely heal that hole. It offers me the way to unconditionally love my daughter no matter what her path in life, no matter what her feelings about me might be. It offers release from the constant pain & ache... and by healing me it allows me to be there for her in the future (whether it be in ways that seem little or huge, temporary or permanent) so that instead of focusing in on my internal pain, I can be healed and offer God's love to her in a way that meets her needs. Being a life mother is very much about unconditional love and ACIM has shown me how to actually achieve that. (My little disclaimer is that of course I am not a "perfect" person... because I wouldn't be down here hanging on earth in this body if I was totally enlightened, right? So take my thoughts as part of my healing journey away from the ego and my little baby steps towards waking up.) Peace to you and HUGS!

chalip

SWD... Thanks for sharing this. I think giving a baby up for adoption is among the most selfless things that a woman can do. I think society does give (I like your term) Life Moms a bad rap and I'm glad you spoke to the issue. Glad you've found some healing through the Course.

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