Pulling the Arrow Out

When I get caught up in things, I go for the Metta Sutra. It works like windshield wipers (or that new Bissell spot cleaner) on my mind. All you have to do is turn it on, let it cycle through the verses, and let them penetrate your heart.

P'arang writes about this in a great book called Tap Dancing in Zen, which I am reading now. On pages 6-7 she quotes Tsering Everest:

When someone makes you angry, it is as if they shot an arrow at your heart. It doesn't hit you but lands right at your foot. Then you pick up the arrow and stab yourself with it over and over again. That's what happens. Anything in life can be the cause of getting upset, but the choice to be upset or not is our own.

[...from Buddhism Through American Women's Eyes]

A really sweet person named Gina left a comment on my last post on forgiveness about being "sulky and passive agressive" at work. I read that and thought... "Really? You too, huh?". Reading this quote in P'arang's book last weekend really shed light on my own sulky, passive agressive behavior. Then, I got hit in the head again by last week's dharma talk at Still Point.

Koho told the story of Marpa and Milarepa. I'll try to give an abbreviated version...

Milarepa wanted a teacher. He went to Marpa the translator, and asked him if he could be Marpa's student. Marpa said yes... on one condition. Milarepa had to build a tower. Not just any tower... he had to build one to Marpa's exact specifications in a precise location. Milarepa went to work. He started by making the bricks and materials, then moved into the construction phase until finally the tower was complete. Marpa took one look at the tower and told him to tear it down. Apparently Milarepa was off a few inches. He tore down the tower and started again.

Well, this went on several times. You can imaging the painstaking, back-breaking work Milarepa put into this task. You can imagine the time he spent. You can imaging his frustration mounting each time he was told to build the tower again. It came to a point when Milarepa just didn't care about being Marpa's student anymore. He decided to put his whole heart... his very being into the process of building this tower and didn't care if Marpa approved of it or not. As you can guess, Marpa accepted him as a student after the final tower was built.

I can see this story playing out in so many ways... not only in my life but in the lives of my friends. I think this story, at the heart, is about giving up all need for thanks and praise. It is about giving our best effort no matter what. Because who or what is it that really wants, needs or expects that thank you? It is not our hearts. So I turn to the Heart Sutra again and again until what I know in my head penetrates my heart.