Getting to Daily Practice

Recent comments on a recent post got me thinking... I know that daily sitting practice is an attainable goal. I also know that losing 30 pounds is an attainable goal though it doesn't always feel like it. How does one get there? Do we get there through the decision to be disciplined and intentional now and forever, or is it a process?

Thinking about this, I picked up one of my teacher's books, Stumbling Toward Enlightenment. On page 19, P'arang talks about how difficult it was to commit to the deep river that is a retreat:

...Deeper and deeper we sink into the practice. The final day feels like we are floating in an emptiness which I can only describe as a soft joy.

I would walk a thousand miles to do it again.

It wasn't always so. It took years to dip my toe into this deep river that is retreat, and even then I found excuses not to stay at one for the whole time... [some content snipped] Finally, the simple momentum of my practice got me in the door and gave me the wherewithal to stay the heck put. Looking back, the decision to commit to a spiritual path came in tiny increments, starting with a whispered promise to myself, years ago, to just sit for five minutes and see what it was like.

Like all transformations, I have learned that stumbling toward enlightenment happens in fits and starts. And we all need to start at the beginning. It's like sailing. First you have to row a little boat.

I've always looked at the road from no meditation to daily meditation as a process of behavioral change, similar to Prochaska and DiClemente's Stages of Change model. While this model emerged from a 1982 study of people who were trying to stop smoking and has been traditionally discussed with respect to people who were trying to change behaviors that could be classified as unhealthy or troubling, I think we also move through stages of change when trying to adopt healthy, positive, behaviors. With respect to sitting practice, the stages may look something like this:

1. Precontemplation: The practitioner does not  intend to practice daily for the next six months. The individual with no meditation practice may not believe that a daily sitting practice would be of benefit. The individual that has tried to sit again and again without successs may have given up... believing the goal to be unattainable.
2. Contemplation: The practitioner intends to start a daily practice within the next 6 months. During this stage, the practitioner begins to assess barriers (e.g., time, hassle, fear, "I know I need to, Sunim, but ...") as well as the benefits of daily practice.
3. Preparation: The practitioner intends to take action within the next 30 days and has taken some behavioral steps in this direction. Perhaps a space for practice has been cleared/prepared in the home.  Perhaps the practitioner has taken to reading about practice, or listening to talks/instructions on practice. Perhaps the practitioner is participating in a sitting group or attending a weekly service or retreat. The benefits of daily practice are clear, and the practitioner wants to learn to establish the discipline. The desire for practice is strong. The practitioner makes small changes as the determination to practice daily increases.
4. Action: The practitioner sits daily for any period less than six months.
5. Maintenance: The practitioner begins to learn how to incorporate the new behavior "over the long haul." The practitioner has been sitting daily for a period longer than six months.
6. Relapse/Recycle: Discouragement over occasional "slips" may halt the process and result in the practitioner giving up. However, most practitioners find themselves "recycling" through the stages of change several times before the goal of daily practice becomes truly established.
7. Termination: The practitioner has complete confidence daily practice will continue without fear of relapse

• [... my practice-centered take on comments and research about the Stages of Change model by Scott McIntosh, Ph.D. and Kelli McCormack Brown]

I don't know... maybe I'm wrong about this. Maybe we all just need to say, "From this day forth, I practice daily," and mean it, and do it. Personally, I've found my attempts to make instant changes an approach too drastic to sustain.

Letting Go of Other Things

Thursday morning on the way to work, I was rear-ended at a red light. The back end of my car, and my back, left the scene of the accident a bit bruised. While I'm still walking around, turning my neck, and functioning normally for the most part, I'm finding my back strained after a day of sitting, walking, and lifting. While I haven't seen a doctor yet, I'm calling this a (relatively) mild case of whiplash. At other times, injury or illness would be a good reason not to practice. Today, I'm just making a few adjustments.

Have you ever had your own thoughts about what meditation practice is supposed to look like? I admit that when I first started practicing, I didn't feel like I was "really" meditating if I wasn't sitting on my zafu in the burmese position, hands in the Dhyani mudra. Today, though I could sit this way for a while, I found myself needing to curl up into child's pose or relax back into corpse pose to give my back a breather.

These past two weeks offline have been good. I've missed reading the blogs that I've come to enjoy, but I needed to let go of this medium for a while. In a recent post titled Not Much to Say, Nacho left this comment that really sums up what I'm working on right now:

I am a teacher, and I agree it is wonderful to have the flexibility time-wise to spend with my son and daughter. There is always work to do. So the Summer is not really "off," but it is far less busy and scheduled. Yet, my practice has really confronted me with the importance, need, desire, to be there at all times! So, more than spending that time in the Summer, I've been letting go of other things at other times and spending time with my son and daughter during the semester.

I think that it is important for me to learn to let go of or lessen my participation in other things from time to time... to center on my family and my practice. Carving out the other things (or lessening the time spent engaging in other things like watching television) creates space to do more of what matters most. Shifting from being someone who has to be everywhere doing everything to someone who attempts just a few things mindfully has been difficult at times. It really is a process of letting go... Letting go and looking at the spaciousness I can create when I slow myself down a bit has been a huge benefit. Forgiving the need to "do, do, do..." and allowing the space to "be, be, be..." is a huge relief... a way to bring balance between my corporate life and the rest of life.

My Summer Retreat

I've decided that I'm going on retreat... right here in my apartment. I still have to work, but outside of work I will be using my spare time for practice... I won't be online, I won't be posting... so I'm sure I'll have a lot to catch up on next Sunday.

p.s. I watched Hotel Rwanda with my parents tonight. I had been wanting to see it for a long time. Watching that movie reminds me that I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

Not Much to Say

I'm splitting my time between reading Shrobe's book Don't Know Mind, and reading the fourth Harry Potter book with my daughter. I would love to do a week-long retreat this summer. Around this time of year every year, I wish I was a teacher. School is about to break for the summer,  the weather is warm and bright, and I (typically an "indoor" girl) would rather be sitting in the park instead of sitting in my air conditioned cube soaking up the flourescent rays.

Daily Dharma

Zen is to make one believe, practice, and realize the principle of without thought, without cultivation. What matters is the direct pointing to the true nature of your mind. Therefore, in the five divisions of the teachings there is also, besides the scriptural teachings, mind-to-mind transmission. Worshipping Buddha statues is nothing more than resorting to an expedient for those who do not understand true nature. However many scriptures you have finished reading over the many years, I think you will not understand through them the way of mind-to-mind transmission.

—Zen Master Toui

[...from Don't Know Mind: The Spirit of Korean Zen by Richard Shrobe, page 13]

It's all Good...

Jason left a response to a previous post today that really inspired me and reminded me to "go easy" on myself when I think I'm not doing enough practice... practicing consistently... blah, blah, blah. His words could easily apply to so many things. If you are feeling discouraged or beating up on yourself for whatever reason, perhaps his words will help you, too...

Of course you should go easy on yourself =). Let some of that compassion and loving-kindness flow inwards to yourself (you not only deserve it, but probably need it). It's my opinion that there is no such thing as perfection (enlightenment is not perfection either). Perfection is just a concept that causes us suffering. Our faults, on a deeper level, define our own humanity, and in accepting them (and, yes, even loving them), we begin to connect with others (and ourself) in a more positive way.

After 6 years my practive is a rollercoaster ride also. I regularly fall of the cusion, fall back into walking sleep and struggle with life. However, it's the struggle that builds experience, and Zen is really about transcending the conceptual and experiencing life directly as it is. So, remember, when you fall back into walking sleep (lack of awareness) or fall off the cusion, there's an oportunity to re-experience the joy of sitting or awakening to daily life all over again (and again, and again, and again =). So, my perspective is that these things are just good ways to add depth to our practice. If zazen was easy we'd all be fully enlightened right now (though depending on your tradition, we probably are already enlightened =), so, yes, take it easy on yourself and enjoy the rollercoaster ride (it can be fun too =).

Thanks again, Jason.

What If?

Today I found this amazing "What If" through a post on the Black Buddhists Yahoo! Group:

What if... Transportation created clean air, foods healed diseases, clean water and air were abundant, the sun replaced oil, eco-communities replaced cities, poverty & hunger only existed in history books, we learned in our sleep, equality & tolerance were the norm, our lifestyle created global peace, the arts replaced violence, love & meditation centers on every corner, and our focus was to create love and peace?

What if... thousands of activist, corporate citizens and organizations traveled to 69 major cities worldwide—so, they could change the world, immediately?

The New World Tour & Expo is visiting 69 major cities worldwide--dedicated to creating a world to help all people have enough, inspiring all communities to be healthy and safe, and where the bounty of the Earth is preserved for all the generations to come.

Imagine, millions of enlightened people making the choice to change the world? Now, imagine hundreds of millions of enlightened people globally making the choice to change the world? That's the New World Tour & Expo... visiting major cities around the world--enlightening people to immediately heal the planet.

If any of this sounds interesting to you, visit The New World Tour.com for more information. And ari, thanks for the nice comments about my blog and for sharing this resource with us. Michigan in 2008? I hope to be there.

Are We Really Doing This?

A couple of recent comments on this site refer to Jewish Buddhists as JooBoos or JuBus. What is this? A convenient acronym like IMHO or LOL? If so, why does it feel somewhat mean-spirited?

Are there other such acronyms for African American Buddhists, Hispanic Buddhists, Gay/Lesbian/Transgender Buddhists, or Asian Buddhists?

What's up with this?

So, It's a Black Thing? v. 2

The discussion continues. Yesterday, I posted a message in the Black Buddhists Yahoo! group asking bloggers (if they are out there) to let me know about their blogs. I included a link to a past entry, Blogging while Black (and Buddhist). A couple of comments have been posted there regarding the more recent post So, It's a Black Thing?. In fact, Choyin, the author of Black Buddha: A Diversity Perspective, stopped by to share his thoughts. An excerpt:

Let's us be free of the shackles of racial separateness that has so plagued our human love and compassion for one another. We are one, and have always been. To think of one's self as having a lineage stemming from Africa is not a curse; rather it is liberation into a truth that eradicates pigment as a point of difference.

I have not read Choyin's book. Though I can't speak for him with any authority, I think this excerpt points to the intent of his book. If an understanding of anthropology can bring people closer together, causing them to see themselves as more similar than different, I'm all for it. Personally, I think we can connect more to our similarities by looking at our minds and hearts. That belief is one of the reasons why I tltled my blog "Zen Under the Skin." Bodies and their pigments are both similar and different. I think we find more sameness in what's going on under the skin.

So, It's a Black Thing?

Today, I picked up a copy of the Summer 2005 issue of Buddhadharma magazine. Two of the pieces published this month deal in some way with Black Buddhists and diversity in practice centers.

In Legitimate Heirs, Not Invited Guests, Rebecca Walker reviews Choyin Rangdrol's self-published book Black Buddha: A Diversity Perspective. I was familiar with the book, as I am marginally familiar with Choyin Rangdrol. I have skimmed his website, and provide a link to it on the "Resources for Black Buddhists" page on this site. Like Rebecca was before an apparent change of heart, I am somewhat skeptical of Rangdrol's work. In her book review, she states:

When I first read Black Buddha, I was skeptical. I found it too close to Afrocentricity, which itself is an expression of cultural bias. And then there was the fact that I didn't feel alienated from Buddhism, and I had my malas and pashminas to prove it.

I have not read Rangdrol's book. In fact, before reading Rebecca's review I was probably completely closed to the idea of reading it. The book's premise felt like a distraction... a controversy that would not add to my practice. From what I understood, Rangdrol was attempting to set forth an Asa Hilliard-like hypothesis that the founders of Buddhism were as much African as they were Indian or Asian. Browsing his site a couple of years ago, I wondered... Could there be some truth to the hypothesis? I also asked myself... What difference would it make?

I've studied the African diaspora. I also had college courses that delved into the origin of man and explored the academics... the science that suggests that humankind came forth out of Africa. I found it all fascinating. Yet it concerns me when people use these facts as arguments for the "Africanization" (yes, I believe I just made that word up) of all things. I don't agree with the argument that because the human story began in Africa, all things are African. I don't believe it is practical to suggest that African Americans should feel that they are legitimate heirs to the Dharma because the people of India who founded Buddhism may have had some ancestral connection to Africans. The argument seems to assume that Buddha intended the Dharma for people who were just like him, that the legitimate heirs to Buddha's Dharma were people that had to look like him. This is problematic on so many levels. Even the most basic accounts of the life of the Buddha refute these notions.

I'm concerned that people seem to want to transpose Afrocentricity and Buddhism. I'm worried. If the goal of this juxtaposition is to increase diversity in the sangha, I question the wisdom of the approach. We are, all of us in this human realm, legitimate heirs to the Dharma. We don't need to extrapolate anthropological connections to make our connection to the Dharma more real or substantial than it already is. Let's not make Buddhism an African thing, an Asian thing, a thing for middle-class White Americans, a Black thing, or any other thing that does not embrace or celebrate everything.

What does interest me about Rangdrol's book after reading Walker's review is his "personal story of finding liberation through the dharma." Isn't that what the dharma is really about... learning to free ourselves from suffering? Can't we just leave it there? Isn't that enough?