Daily Dharma

Those who have not developed this mind, which is recondite and contains the whole sum of dharmas, wander the compass in vain trying to attain happiness and destroy suffering.

Therefore I should manage and guard my mind well. If I let go of the vow to guard my mind, what will become of my many other vows?

In the same way that someone in the midst of a rough crowd guards a wound with great care, so in the midst of bad company should one always guard the wound that is the mind.

[...from Chapter V of The Bodhicaryavatara by Santideva, v. 17-19]

The Bodhisattva Path

I'm reading a couple of versions of The Bodhicaryavatara (A Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life) by Santideva. My interest in this text was spawned by a simple quote on the Still Point home page:

May the poor find wealth,
Those weak with sorrow find joy;
May the forlorn find hope,
constant happiness and propserity.
May the frightened cease to be afraid
and those bound be free;
May the weak find power,
and may their hearts join in friendship.

This quote sums up what a Bodhisattva wants. If you're unfamiliar with the term, a Bodhisattva is an enlightened being who consciously delays the personal experience and reward of Enlightenment until all beings everywhere can be saved. Santideva wrote the book on it.

Santideva was that Buddhist that could never catch a break. When he worked in the service of a King to ensure that the country was ruled according to Buddhist principles, he inspired the jealousy of other monks. When he resigned his position with the King, he joined the monestary. The monks thought he was lazy and inept. Hoping to prove their opinions of him, they challenged him to a recitation. Santideva asked if he was to recite an existing text or an original composition. When the monks encouraged him to recite an original composition, he recited the Bodhicaryavatara—one of the most beloved texts in Mahayana Buddhism to this day.

Studying the Bodhisattva ideal humbles me. When I look at what it takes to really be a Bodhisattva, I'm struck by the ways in which I whine about my world, my laziness, my frequent detachment from the suffering of others. I see living, breathing examples of this ideal and start to really get what selflessness means.

Would I forgo food for 100 days to save the salamanders?

In the face of complete selflessness, I'm forced to look at all the little things I could be doing to make the world a better place. Instead of beating up on myself for being lacking in saintly behavior, I look at what I can do today.

The Bodhicaryavatara has many suggestions. The beginning of the text focuses on the awakening of the Bodhichitta mind.

Bod · hi · chit · ta In the Tibetan tradition it is seen as having two aspects, relative and absolute. The relative mind of enlightenment is divided again into two phases (1) the intention and wish, nurtured by limitless compassion, to attain liberation for the sake of the welfare of all beings and (2) actual entry into meditation, the purpose of which is the acquisition of the appropriate means to actualize this wish. The absolute mind of enlightenment is viewed as the vision of the true nature of phenomena.

[...from The Shambhala Dictionary of Buddhism and Zen, pg. 23]

So, here's what we can do:

1. Invoke in ourselves the desire to be compassionate and work for the welfare of all beings
2. Meditate to acquire the means to be more compassionate and actualize the bodhisattva ideal

This is why sitting matters. No matter how much we might want to save the world, we need to develop ourselves in order to do so. Saving the world starts with saving ourselves. The ability to be compassion, loving-kindness, equanimity and joy increases as we sit with courage and mindfulness. But we have to be intentional. I have to be intentional. I'm off to sit.

Are All Buddhists Introverts?

Checking in on Terrence over at The Republic of T, I found his reference to an article that felt like it was written about me. I honestly laughed out loud reading it, grateful that someone could capture my personality and tendencies without making me seem in some way disturbed. Reading definitions of the word introvert over at Dictionary.com, one could begin to understand why I have felt that perhaps my introversion was something that I needed to fix, overcome, or heal:

in·tro·vert (1) To concentrate (one's interests) upon oneself; (2) one whose personality is characterized by introversion; broadly : a reserved or shy person; (3) marked by or suggesting introversion <an uncommunicative and introverted person given to odd moods>; broadly : being a reserved or shy person; (4) a person who tends to shrink from social contacts and to become preoccupied with their own thoughts...

Sounds so morbid, doesn't it? I guess it must appear so to people who are natural extroverts. They seem to have a hard time with me. A few examples:

1. I recently attended a party/step show sponsored by post-graduate members of the local  NPHC. I told one of my line sisters that I was trying to resist the urge to bring a book to the party. Okay, it's not like I don't enjoy dancing. It's more that I can only take so much.
2. Last year a dharma sister told me about an upcoming festival. She planned to take her daughter. The conversation was over before I realized that she was suggesting that we go together. I felt bad about it later. She must've misunderstood and just thought I wasn't interested in getting to know her. That's not true... she seems like a cool person, which I glimpsed a few weeks ago when we went to breakfast together after the morning sitting. I just have a hard time with the initial, awkward, getting-to-know-you conversations. I really, really hate small talk. It is painful. Once I know a person and understand what's important to them, it is easier for me to be their friend because I can speak to that without having to ask what they think of the weather. I already know what they think of the weather. We live in Michigan. It almost always sucks.
3. A close sista-friend from back in the day when we were students at HU asked me recently if I consider myself to be shy. No, I'm not shy. I enjoy conversation. I enjoy people (when I'm in the mood for them).
4. Yesterday I was supposed to attend a meeting with my line sisters. I just had no energy for other people. My daughter was spending the night with her grandparents, and I needed some time to regenerate. After spending that time at home by myself I woke up this morning feeling like a different person... rejuvenated.

This doesn't mean that I don't love my line sisters. This doesn't mean anything. I'm not even trying to claim that they are all extroverts or that they lack depth. They are all deep sistas. I just need to be in a certain space for conversation and togetherness. I enjoy it when I'm in that space. I avoid it when I'm not. This is not bad. It's just me.

Conversation to me means something different than conversation for most people. I don't want to sit around talking about or criticizing other people. I can only spend so much time complimenting someone's new hair, purse, or shoes. Communication is deeper than that for me. I want to know what's really up with a person, what's on their mind, what's important to them. These are conversations that extroverts usually don't want to have... too heavy. Most of the time, idle gossip is just not that interesting to me.

My teacher says that Buddhists tend to be introverts. She actually told us that we had to make an effort to meet people we haven't spoken to before at a potluck we had last year. I'm wondering what fellow sitters think. Is Jonathan Rauch's article Caring for Your Introvert really your biography? Are all Buddhists introverts?

Twenty-three Minutes of Mu

I took some of my own advice today and just practiced. There is something very Zen about that Nike slogan "Just Do It." Quit your whining and belly-aching, and just sit there. No one cares about your endless pontifications about why you do or don't sit. Just sit and get on with it.

So I did.

I set a goal for 30 minutes. I have only done 20 minute sittings for the past year that I've attended Still Point. I wanted to see if I could do it. At the twenty-three minute mark, my left foot hit REM sleep. But I spent twenty-three whole minutes focused on Mu. I consider that a victory.

I'm wondering what fellow sitters do during meditation when body parts start to fall asleep. Am I the only rookie out here whose lower body hits snooze after 20 minutes of sitting?

I think I've finally had a breakthrough with Mu. It is actually very calming. It sweeps the mind and makes it more difficult for the mind to wander or to stay focused on a stream of thoughts... the focus is always on that next Mu. It takes doing it. Thinking about it wasn't going to get me to this place.

Daily Dharma

The house we live in is our body. It doesn't matter how many times we move from town to country, from apartment to home, from home to a room or even from one country to another. We take this body with us until it completely deteriorates, decays and is a heap of bones and then only dust. Until that happens, we carry it along with us wherever we move. it's this house we need to make a little more spacious and at ease.

[... from Chapter 2 "Meditation Affects Our Lives" in Being Nobody, Going Nowhere by Ayya Khema, pg. 19]

Cleaning House

Normally, I spend a good portion of my weekend cleaning my apartment. I vacuum. I dust. I clean the bathrooms. I do laundry. Today, I'm realizing that I need to clean my physical house... this body where I live.

I've been restless lately, unable to sit.

Yesterday, I chilled and took some time for self-pampering... I soaked my feet, gave myself a home pedicure, and just relaxed a bit in front of the television. Today, rolled out my fitness ball, blew the dust off of my Core Secrets FUNdamentals CD, and did a 25 minute workout.

My life is very sedentary right now. I go to work and park myself in my cube for a day in front of the computer. I come home, cook, clean, check homework, read bedtime stories, then put myself to bed. I haven't been carving out the time I need to give to my body, and I can see that this is what makes a difference with my practice. This is one way that consistently doing prostrations helps... you get your body moving, and something more than fat or calories is burned in the process.

After Core Secrets, I did some Yoga with Rodney Yee, one of my favorite yoga instructors. When I haven't been practicing yoga in awhile (I'm months away from consistent practice right now) I ease back into things using Yee's AM Stretch. It is gentle, it raises the energy, it engages the legs and hips (preparing them for more challenging practice) and it is relatively short. It ends with seated meditation.

I'm feeling less heavy. Now I just need to stop letting my body or my diet slip into the background. My practice doesn't work as well on Hungry Howie's and Diet Coke.

Practice in Korea

According to this Buddhist News Channel article, the Jogye Order has increased the number of temples offering temple stays for foreigners from 29 to 44. Get going people.

What Makes Us Happy

A recent feed from The Buddhist Channel proclaims that Scientists Want to Know What Makes Us Happy. The article by Justin Maynor suggests that money can't buy happiness, but mindfulness might yield joy. Happiness is alluded to as a goal of the ego—temporary, fleeting, conditioned on externals. Joy, interviewees suggest, is a deeper contentment that can come through meditation practice or reliance on a higher power.

I'm noticing that the moment I intellectually "got" the fact that meditation/zen practice is no quick fix, my practice waned. I'm noticing that although I recognize the fact that practice won't "fix" me, and although I conceptually "get" how my life/the world can benefit from my practice, I'm not practicing as much as I was when I started this blog.

What am I waiting for? Happiness?

Life gets hard. I get tired. I have other responsibilities. So what? Maybe the anxiety of these past few months might've lessened if I continued daily practice instead of settling for weekly sittings at the temple. Maybe if I had listened to my teacher and practiced with Mu I would have known what to do to alleviate my stressors weeks ago.

Two weeks ago at temple I arrived late for interviews. I stood waiting mindfully with hands in hap'chang and listened to the bell ringing in the first morning sitting. We knelt quickly on a landing midway up the stairs.

"Just do your practice," she urged gently. "How are you practicing?"

"Alternating between counting breaths and Mu," I respond.

"Do Mu... use it like a sword. It can cut through anything," she says.

I'm still uncomfortable with Mu. I feel like it gets stuck in my throat. I don't really understand it. Blah, Blah, Blah. I contemplate it more than I sit with it. It's time to start really practicing it. It could be my path to joy. How will I know if I don't jump in with both feet and really try?

Blogging while Black (and Buddhist)

I've been on the lookout for blogs by or about Black Buddhists. This evening, my inbox yielded a warm message from the author of Kiamsha.com... a relatively new blog by a Buddhist-leaning (and all-around spiritual) sista from DC who loves the word "groovy".

One of the first Blogging while Black and Buddhist (BwBB) sites I found was Serene Dharma, where dear sista Serenity speaks on life in general.

There are some brothers out there representing... The Republic of T by Terrence which hails a Buddhism category in RSS, and Steps Along the Path by Nirodha from the UK who practices Jhana.

There are other BwB blogs out there that might be written by Buddhists. They are mostly political blogs with a few sprinklings of Buddhism here and there. They just don't say enough for me to classify them as BwBB blogs.

Is anyone else out there? Come on people, give me a shout. I want to read your blog!

A Moment of Pronoia

I learned a new word this morning, thanks to Kathryn of A Mindful Life. The word? Pronoia. What does it mean?

Pronoia is the suspicion that the universe is a conspiracy on your behalf, the opposite of the popular sense of paranoia.

I was definitely feeling this yesterday. After nearly three miserable months at work, my supervisor's behavior has been exposed to the higher-ups. I received notification of the great bonus I'm getting for my work last year, and I was told that everything I heard from my supervisor about my job being at risk was a lie. To top things off, I'm having lunch with a group of the higher-ups on Monday. Life at work couldn't be better... I can finally exhale, stop worrying about getting my resume out there, and get back to the business at hand without having to deal with being bullied, manipulated, yelled at, or threatened.