In my last entry, I talked about how difficult October was, how often I succumbed to craving to get through the challenging moments.
Last night, one of the latest reality TV shows was on. My daughter is just fascinated by this one. It is called "The Biggest Loser." She prides herself on being thin. She openly talks about people who are fat. I try to explain that it is rude to do so, but she is seven years old. She is too young to hold her tongue. She is also not malicious about it, she is just talking about what she sees. It seems that media and culture have collided to give her the same views of the overweight and obese that many in America share. Fat people are ugly. Skinny people are beautiful. That is that.
Mindful eating is an appropriate topic for me to reflect on at this time of year... not even a week after Halloween. I spent the last week gourging myself with chocolate, Smarties, Snickers bars, mini Twix. Next there will be Thanksgiving and Christmas, and all the family gatherings and turkey and dressing and the cakes... pound cake, red velvet cake, cheesecake.
I used to eat one meal a day... period. Healthy food. Bean soups, sauteed vegetables, rice. I didn't feel deprived. I just did it. I'm trying to figure out when my relationship with food became so unstable. When did I start looking at what I ate as a source of anything more or less than nourishment. What is going on with me when all I can think about is eating something sweet?
These were the thoughts that started to swirl around in my head as I read Meeting Faith this morning. I used to be a vegetarian. This was long before I found Still Point, long before I took the precepts. But now, I haven't given changes to my diet any serious thought (except for the potential weight loss that could go with it, and even then...)
I need to spend some time really looking at this, consciously bringing mindfulness to my mealtime. I need to uncover every resistance I have to living the Reflection at the Moment of Using Faith talks about in her book.