Getting to Consistency

Last week, I started the Intensive Practice Program with a great deal of enthusiasm. I was determined to settle in to my practice, to learn to be consistent with it and see where it takes me. I like to throw around the fact that I have been studying Dharma for many years. Regardless, when it comes to actual practice, I am a beginner. Without a sangha or a teacher to practice with, it was hard to sustain my practice. Now I have a structure with very specific things to do to get to consistency. It helps.

Monday through Wednesday, I was on top of things. By Thursday, I was just plain tired. Getting up an hour earlier than normal was taking its toll. Never mind the fact that I was going to bed later because I was either trying to read or write too much. I didn't practice until Sunday.

Sunday was a great day. We had a potluck at Still Point. I got a chance to meet some new people, something I am always hesitant about. It helped that the food was really, really good. Monday I didn't practice at all, but yesterday I picked up my practice again. I'm no longer running on adrenaline. Any romantic notions I might have had about how easy it would be to do Intensive Practice, or how my initial exictement would continue to drive me and carry me through the difficult moments have been completely obliterated. It only took a week.

What I'm realizing is that in order to successfully "do" Intensive Practice, I have to get up every morning at 5:00 a.m. and commit to it all over again. I have to ignore whatever it is that makes me want to just stay in bed, get up and get to it.

Results do bolster my practice a bit... I am seeing that it is easier to sit after prostrations than it is to just sit cold. I am seeing the benefit of starting my day with meditation. I feel less stressed on the road as I'm driving to work (a long commute through heavy traffic). But there has been no instant transformation... no snap of the fingers, then enlightenment. If I have learned anything this week, it is that Zen practice is very hard.