Days can be long and a bit exhausting when caring for a sick child. When I'm sleepy before a sitting as I am now, sometimes stepping outside to get a bit of fresh air before sitting helps to clear my head and wake me up a bit. I'm off to do that now.
Before I go, I'd like to share this brief quote:
By concentrating on the process of attention—how attention works and how it is related to awareness—we can see the difference between consiously paying attention and our habitual conditioned attention. A big part of the process of suffering is the fact that before we bring conscious awareness to life, ego/conditioning is in control of the focus of our attention.
When we attempt to wake up from delusion, to bring focus to attention, to live in conscious awareness, ego goes into overdrive to stop us. Once we are paying close attention to our experience, we may notice fear arising. Ego does not like to be scrutinized, and it has many ways of keeping us from scrutinizing it. Those ways are the content of our awareness practice, the issues we work with. We forget, fall asleep, get distracted, feel bored, doubt ourselves, believe we are inadequate, discover something else that has to be done now, feel afraid—all tools egocentricity uses to keep control of the lives that would otherwise be ours to live in freedom and ease.
We can learn to pay attention to something like fear with a completely neutral attitude of curiosity, even fascination. We sit still and simply watch as sensations arise in the body, as thoughts attach to those sensations, as emotions attach to the thoughts, as beliefs attach to the emotions, and as behavior patterns attaach to the beliefs. An amazing, miraculous thing happens: We can see that none of it means anything!
This is from Suffering is Optional by Cheri Huber, pg. 5